please don't judge me and please don't laugh

Dear friends,

Please don't judge me and please don't laugh. I have a problem. I've had it for as long as I can remember, but it's only just been diagnosed. It's debilitating, expensive and embarrassing.

I am a formophobe (form - o - phobe). Give me forms to fill in, paperwork to do, and I go to pieces. My heart starts racing, my palms go sweaty, in extreme cases I may hyperventilate. For most people, forms are a nuisance. For me, they're a nightmare. I mostly get through life by pretending that they don't exist. A thick package arrives from centrelink - I know what's inside it -- so I put it aside without even opening it up. Many of my friends are eager to fill in their tax returns so that they can get their $500 baby bonuses. Tax time holds few emotions for me because I don't earn enough to be required by law to fill in a return. Occasionally I feel a little sad that I won't get my $500. But it's the price of my fears.

I'm lucky because I have supportive family and friends to help me when things get too tough. But not all formophobes are as lucky as me. I've heard some of you say that no one in Australia needs to be homeless. And perhaps it's true. But you must understand that for a formophobe, sleeping outside at night is less scary than tackling a centrelink form. Homelessness is inevitable.

Things have come to a head at our place recently. Last week I got a letter from centrelink advising me that because I didn't fill in a form, my parenting payment has been cut. Not the best news, but we can probably get by without it. Then I got another letter saying that because my parenting payment has been cut, I now have to fill in another form or my family tax benefits will also be cut. Things will be very tight, but we'll manage. Then I got a letter saying that I haven't submitted a tax return for three years and unless I do so immediately, I'll have to pay back all of the centrelink payments I've received in that time. AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! [It's ALOT of money.]

So Andrew sat me down last night and made me do paperwork. Actually, I sat down and watched him do paperwork. Then I got too tense and so went out shopping instead.

But it's a start. And I am making some progress in other areas. School permission forms for example. I'm getting quite good at them.