Modesty
One of the blogs I regularly read had a series of articles on modesty a while ago, and they really challenged me about my attitudes to clothes and why I wear what I wear.
Generally, I think we're ok at this. I don't remember anybody appearing at church in a strapless, backless, sideless, midriff-exposing, scoop-neck top with matching 2 inch miniskirt (maybe I was away that week). But even if we think we dress modestly, perhaps we could do with asking ourselves a few questions.
Are we looking to serve the guys in our church, and outside it, by not exposing them to temptation?
Do we know what impact, if any, the clothes we wear have on the men around us?
Is our primary purpose to make ourselves look pretty & feel good, and is that ok?
I have some ideas on all this, but the folks over at girl talk are better at explaining stuff than I am, so I'd encourage you take a look at their articles, and then once this blog is finished crashing due to the flood of responses (hint, hint), I'll join the discussion.
And guys, before you get a whiff of female hormones, glaze over & run in the other direction, we want to hear your opinions on the topic too!
posted by Petrina @ 5:33 pm
7 comments
7 Comments:
An initial thought. It is much easier to dress modestly in winter than in summer.
Here's a situation that I've struggled with (and if you're younger and prettier than me I imagine you've struggled a lot more) -
You're in a fitting room with two garments. One you try on and... so-so. It's okay. The next you try on. It costs less and it looks heaps better. Heaps. But it's not so modest. You can justify it to yourself - "I just want to look nice. There's nothing wrong with it! Most people wear stuff that's much worse than this. And it's not like I'm a nun or anything. And who's looking at me anyway?"
So which do you buy?
I think we might be at our worst when buying swimwear.
I read your link, Petrina. It's a good site. Good luck finding a wedding dress!
What do others think?
Yes, yes & yes. Totally agree. Those very same thoughts have gone through my head many many times before.
And on the wedding dress, at this point I'm working on the idea that if I know people have read this post & read the link, I'll be more likely to actually stick it out & buy something appropriate.
One burning question I have for the guys though (not just about wedding dresses, but clothing in general):
Shoe-string straps & halter neck tops? Are they really an issue? I'd never thought of that...
Although I don't like to stand out in the crowd (I know - it was a suprise to me too when I realised!), dressing for me isn't just about covering my body - it's an expression of who I am and how I feel on any given day. Should we sacrifice this for a brown shift? (Although, I do like, and wear a lot of Brown. Give me a cool belt, some funky earrings and rings, and a cool pair of shoes and I'll be happy with wearing the shift!)
Having said this, I have to say, I don't usually think about whether or not I'm serving others in my dress...perhaps I need to think about this more.
Anyway - I can't say I regularly dress up for guys - sorry. At least not conscioussly. I've personally always been a big fan of you wear what suits your body type and possibly because of my keeness to cover up my percieved flaws (go the self-image issues!)I feel like that generally fulfills the modesty criteria.
[Thanks for the link, Petrina. From what I gather, the women are CJ Mahaney's daughters and since I'm a big fan, it's a good one to add to the favourites folder!]
How great are dave and fletch for contributing to this discussion?
On the complimenting thing...
It usually takes some practice before it comes naturally. So why not practice on someone who really knows you don't want to marry her. Like a [happily] married woman (I'm so open to it!) or your sister, or a sister-in-law or a significantly older woman or your mum. We all like compliments.
I think in some relationships this wil always be dangerous territory.
Karen. I don't think that being modest is about wearing a sack. It's okay to want to look attractive. But there's nice attractive and there's sexually attractive. I think some people (who are particularly cluey with clothes) can do the first one really well without crossing the line into the second. It has to do with choosing styles and colours that are right for you. Wearing things that make people look up to your face rather than elsewhere. (I think Cath is a legend at this. But then I'm a girl so maybe I wouldn't know...)
Fletch, Fletch, Fletch ... life can be so hard ;)
Shucks, Simonne, you've just made my day!
Go boys! Thanks for the gutsy comments.
I don't generally think boys want to marry me if they compliment me on what I wear. I think a little more is needed than you liking my dress sense (but hey - I could be wrong?!). So, GO AHEAD!!! However, I'd prefer you to compiment me on my character or to pull me up and encourage me towards holiness when you see me being dodgy (then again - if I think you love my character I may be MORE inclined to think you want to father my children. So I'll say it again, GO AHEAD! Compliment us when we hit a winner, boys!)
And, by the way, go the Socceroos!! How about that ref?
Yeah, it seems to have hit a nerve, which is a little surprising considering the frosty reception these discussions seem to get in live situations. I guess the time & space of a blog gives people a bit more freedom to express themselves. I know I find it far easier to contribute by sitting at home & spending an hour perfecting a blog entry than by actually joining in a conversation at church or wherever.
Having read all these comments, I'm actually finding the idea of wearing a sack for the rest of my life reasonably attractive. While I like looking nice (who doesn't?) I'm not good at picking or matching clothes, and I've wished more than once that I'd chosen a profession that wears a uniform. So the thought to having to choose clothes that not only cover everything adequately but also do extraordinary things like draw attention to my face is just overwhelming.
So maybe I'll have to get over my fear of buying things with a group & get some help...
Ok, I've managed to kill my own thread... now there's a talent!
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